Adam her Cumartesi sabah\u0131 yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibi Ortak\u00f6y sahiline inmi\u015f, g\u00fcne\u015fin ve temiz havan\u0131n tad\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131yordu.\u00a0 G\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc kapat\u0131p y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00fcne\u015fe \u00e7evirdi.\u00a0 Denizden y\u00fcz\u00fcne vuran serinlik ve iyot kokusu i\u00e7ini huzurla doldurdu.\u00a0 Sonra tempolu ad\u0131mlarla Emirg\u00e2n’a do\u011fru y\u00fcr\u00fcmeye ba\u015flad\u0131.<\/p>\n

Sahil boyunca bal\u0131k tutan, ko\u015fan, spor yapan, k\u00f6pe\u011fini gezdiren, \u00e7ocu\u011fuyla vakit ge\u00e7iren y\u00fczlerce insan g\u00f6rd\u00fc.\u00a0 Kimine g\u00fcl\u00fcmsedi, kimine so\u011fuk bak\u0131\u015flar att\u0131.\u00a0 Kimini kendine yak\u0131n kimini de Fizan kadar uzak buldu.<\/p>\n

Emirg\u00e2n’a vard\u0131\u011f\u0131nda art\u0131k epey yorulmu\u015ftu.\u00a0 Soluklan\u0131p s\u0131cak bir sahlep i\u00e7erek enerjisini toplamay\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordu.\u00a0 Kar\u015f\u0131dan kar\u015f\u0131ya ge\u00e7mek i\u00e7in arabalar\u0131n f\u0131rsat vermesini bekliyordu ki sa\u011f\u0131nda bir gen\u00e7 dikkatini \u00e7ekti.\u00a0 Etraf\u0131ndaki kalabal\u0131\u011fa ald\u0131r\u0131\u015f etmeden, i\u00e7ini \u00e7eke \u00e7eke a\u011fl\u0131yordu.\u00a0 \u00d6nce o da \u00e7evredeki onlarca insan\u0131n yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibi kay\u0131ts\u0131z kal\u0131p devam etmeyi akl\u0131ndan ge\u00e7irdi ancak sonra nedensizce karar\u0131n\u0131 de\u011fi\u015ftirdi ve solu\u011fu gencin yan\u0131nda ald\u0131.\u00a0 Gencin oturdu\u011fu banka yerle\u015fti ve denizi izlemeye koyuldu.<\/p>\n

Gen\u00e7 hen\u00fcz 15-16 ya\u015flar\u0131ndayd\u0131.\u00a0 Yan\u0131na birinin oturdu\u011funu g\u00f6r\u00fcnce utanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ve kendini toparlad\u0131.\u00a0 Eliyle g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 sildi, ara ara gelen i\u00e7 \u00e7ekmeler e\u015fli\u011finde o da mavi sulara dald\u0131 gitti.\u00a0 Adam zaman\u0131d\u0131r diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnerek s\u00f6ze girdi.<\/p>\n

“Biliyor musun?\u00a0 Ben de a\u011flamak i\u00e7in hep buray\u0131 se\u00e7erdim.”
\n“Ger\u00e7ekten mi?”
\n“Evet.\u00a0 Manzara o kadar g\u00fczel ki burada, manzaraya odaklanan insanlar etraf\u0131nda olan bitene odaklanamazlar.\u00a0 Bu da sadece a\u011flamak, kimsenin sorular\u0131na muhatap olmadan a\u011flamak isteyen biri i\u00e7in ideal ortamd\u0131r.”
\n“Siz bu manzaraya doymu\u015f olmal\u0131s\u0131n\u0131z.”
\n“Haz\u0131r cevap insanlar\u0131 hep sevmi\u015fimdir.\u00a0 Hay\u0131r benimki manzaraya doymaktan ziyade, bu bankta oturan kendimi g\u00f6rmekle alakal\u0131.\u00a0 Dedim ya ben de ara ara ayn\u0131 \u015feyi yapard\u0131m.”
\n“Ben ilk kez yapt\u0131m ama…\u00a0 Ben pek a\u011flamam.”
\n“Neden?\u00a0 A\u011flamak utan\u00e7 duyulacak bir \u015fey de\u011fil ki.\u00a0 Aksine ruhun nefes almas\u0131n a f\u0131rsat sunan bir eylem.”
\n“Belki de \u00f6yledir.\u00a0 A\u011flamadan \u00f6nceki halimle \u015fimdi aras\u0131nda fark var \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc.”
\n“Sebebini payla\u015fmak ister misin peki?”
\n“Birini kaybetmek.”
\n“Peki o biri…\u00a0 Hayatta m\u0131 de\u011fil mi?”
\n“Hayatta ama art\u0131k benim hayat\u0131mda de\u011fil.”
\n“Anlad\u0131m.\u00a0 Kaybetmek insanda \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fcden \u00e7ok \u00f6fke yarat\u0131r biliyor musun?\u00a0 Bu kaybetmek hangi manada olursa olsun.\u00a0 Oysa biz kaybetti\u011fimiz “\u015feye” verdi\u011fimiz de\u011ferden dolay\u0131 \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fc, y\u0131k\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr\u00fcz.\u00a0 De\u011fil asl\u0131nda…\u00a0 Kaybetmek m\u00fcthi\u015f bir \u00f6fke tufan\u0131d\u0131r.\u00a0 Bizi terk eden sevgiliye \u00f6fke duyar\u0131z.\u00a0 Birlikte ya\u015fanabilecek t\u00fcm mutluluklar\u0131 bizden esirgedi\u011fi i\u00e7in.\u00a0 Bizi rakiplerimize kar\u015f\u0131 k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcren futbolculara \u00f6fkeleniriz, onlara kar\u015f\u0131 b\u00f6b\u00fcrlenme \u015fans\u0131n\u0131 elimizden ald\u0131klar\u0131 i\u00e7in.\u00a0 Hayat\u0131n\u0131 kaybetmi\u015f yak\u0131n\u0131m\u0131za dahi \u00f6fkeleniriz.\u00a0 Yak\u0131lan a\u011f\u0131tlar\u0131 cankula\u011f\u0131yla dinleyince daha iyi anlar\u0131z bunu.\u00a0 “Ben sensiz ne yapar\u0131m \u015fimdi?\u00a0 Bizi boynu b\u00fck\u00fck b\u0131rakt\u0131n!\u00a0 Ben kime sar\u0131l\u0131r sevincimi \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fcm payla\u015f\u0131r\u0131m?\u00a0 Beni iki \u00e7ocukla nereye b\u0131rak\u0131p gidiyorsun? vb vb…\u00a0 A\u011f\u0131tlarda ac\u0131dan \u00e7ok sitem vard\u0131r.\u00a0 Hayat\u0131n\u0131 kaybeden insandan bahsederken “\u00f6ld\u00fcn” olarak de\u011fil “gittin” olarak bahsedilir.\u00a0 Bu bir tercihmi\u015f gibi.\u00a0 Bu tercihin getirdi\u011fi y\u0131k\u0131mdan da o sorumlu tutulur. \u0130nsano\u011flunun bencilli\u011finin s\u0131n\u0131r\u0131 yoktur \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc.\u00a0 “\u00d6nce ben” der “Hep ben” der.
\n“Benim ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m da o zaman ac\u0131 de\u011fil \u00f6fke yani…”
\n“Aynen \u00f6yle…\u00a0 Kaybetti\u011fin her kimse ona kar\u015f\u0131 \u00f6fkelisin.\u00a0 Birlikte ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z g\u00fczelliklerin k\u0131ymetini bilmedi\u011fi i\u00e7in, beraber ya\u015fayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131z daha nice g\u00fczelliklerden seni mahrum b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in \u00f6fkelisin.\u00a0 Ama dinecek…\u00a0 Dinmeli…\u00a0 Hi\u00e7bir ac\u0131 sonsuza dek s\u00fcrmedi\u011fi gibi hi\u00e7bir \u00f6fke de sonsuza dek s\u00fcrmez.”
\n“\u00d6fke nefrete d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fmez mi peki?\u00a0 D\u00fc\u015fmanl\u0131k ve intikam duygular\u0131n\u0131 tetiklemez mi?”
\n“Hani “A\u015fk ve nefret birbirine yak\u0131n duygulard\u0131r” tespiti var ya…\u00a0 \u0130\u015fte o, bu sorunun cevab\u0131.\u00a0 Evet kaybetmek bizde \u00f6fkeye neden olur, bu \u00f6fke zamanla nefrete de d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015febilir.\u00a0 \u00d6nemli olan o \u00f6fkeyi kontrol alt\u0131nda tutabilmektir.\u00a0 Kaybetti\u011fimiz \u015feye kar\u015f\u0131 \u00f6ncesinde besledi\u011fimiz duygular ve bundan da \u00f6nemli olarak “erdemli bir insan olmak” bizi \u00f6fkemizi de \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fc de kendi i\u00e7imizde ya\u015famaya y\u00f6nlendirir.\u00a0 Y\u00f6nlendirmelidir.\u00a0 \u00d6fke hi\u00e7bir \u015feyi, hi\u00e7kimseyi geri getirecek g\u00fcce sahip de\u011fildir zaten.\u00a0 \u00a0Y\u00fczle\u015fmek ve kabullenmek.\u00a0 \u015eimdi yapman gereken bu ikisi…”<\/p>\n

Gen\u00e7 adam, derin bir i\u00e7 \u00e7ekti ve oturdu\u011fu yerden kalkt\u0131.\u00a0 Ellerini cebine koyup bir m\u00fcddet denizi seyre dald\u0131.\u00a0 Sonra d\u00f6n\u00fcp adama:
\n“Y\u00fczle\u015fmemi siz sa\u011flad\u0131n\u0131z, kabullenmeyi de kendim zamanla ba\u015faraca\u011f\u0131m.” dedi.
\nAdam \u015fefkatli g\u00f6zlerle gence bakt\u0131 ve aya\u011fa kalkt\u0131.\u00a0 Yakla\u015ft\u0131 ve sevgiyle gencin s\u0131rt\u0131n\u0131 s\u0131vazlad\u0131.
\n“Daha \u00f6n\u00fcnde ne kazan\u00e7lar ne kay\u0131plar var.\u00a0 Bu d\u00f6ng\u00fcn\u00fcn ne kadar erken fark\u0131na var\u0131rsan o kadar iyi.\u00a0 Bu fark\u0131ndal\u0131k kay\u0131plar\u0131 daha az zararla atlatman\u0131n anahtar\u0131d\u0131r.\u00a0 Bana m\u00fcsaade gen\u00e7 adam.\u00a0 G\u00fczellikler seninle olsun.” dedi el s\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131p ayr\u0131ld\u0131lar.<\/p>\n

\u00c7ocuk ellerini ceplerine koydu ve a\u011f\u0131r ad\u0131mlarla kabullenme yolculu\u011funun ilk metrelerini kat etmeye ba\u015flad\u0131.\u00a0 Adamsa yolun kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na ge\u00e7ip bo\u015f bir masaya oturdu ve bir sahlep s\u00f6yledi.\u00a0 K\u0131sa s\u00fcre sonra sipari\u015fi geldi.\u00a0 tar\u00e7\u0131n kokusunu i\u00e7ine \u00e7ekip s\u0131cak sahlepten bir yudum \u00e7ekti.\u00a0 Az \u00f6nce a\u011flayan \u00e7ocukla oturduklar\u0131 banka dal\u0131p gitti.\u00a0 Bug\u00fcne de\u011fin ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 onca kay\u0131p akl\u0131na geldi ve g\u00f6z\u00fcnden iki damla ya\u015f s\u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc.<\/p>\n

“Hayat, kay\u0131p nehirlerinin delice akarak doldurdu\u011fu bir deniz sanki.” diye akl\u0131ndan ge\u00e7irdi.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Adam her Cumartesi sabah\u0131 yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibi Ortak\u00f6y sahiline inmi\u015f, g\u00fcne\u015fin […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1927,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1,12],"tags":[694,686,728,454,234,703],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1925"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1925"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1925\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1926,"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1925\/revisions\/1926"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1927"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1925"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1925"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1925"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}