So\u011fuk balkon demirine tutunup karanl\u0131k sokaklar\u0131 seyre dald\u0131m.\u00a0 Hi\u00e7bir \u015fey d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeden \u00f6ylece duruyordum.\u00a0 Hava so\u011fuktu ve cadde sessiz.\u00a0 Hafif\u00e7e esen r\u00fczg\u00e2r y\u00fcz\u00fcme vurdu, i\u00e7im \u00fc\u015f\u00fcd\u00fc.\u00a0 D\u0131\u015fardaki ayaz de\u011fildi \u00fc\u015f\u00fcmeme sebep olan, lo\u015f sokak lambalar\u0131n\u0131n ayd\u0131nlatt\u0131\u011f\u0131 yolda, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck ve yorgun ad\u0131mlar\u0131yla evine do\u011fru giden \u00e7ocuklu\u011fumu g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f olmamd\u0131.<\/p>\n

Evet oradayd\u0131, seslensem duyacak gibiydi.\u00a0 Bense izlemeyi se\u00e7tim, onun yorgun bedenini tenha sokakta s\u00fcr\u00fckleyi\u015fini\u2026<\/p>\n

Balkondan a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 do\u011fru sarkt\u0131m ve r\u00fczg\u00e2r beni sanki bir yaprakm\u0131\u015f\u0131m gibi al\u0131p g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fc.\u00a0 So\u011fuk bir nefes olarak \u00e7ocuk bedenime girdim.
\nNe tuhaf bir his bu!
\nNe kadar k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm!
\nNe kadar m\u00e2sum, ne kadar toy, ne kadar savunmas\u0131z\u2026<\/p>\n

Ve ne kadar yorgunum, aman Allah\u2019\u0131m\u2026<\/p>\n

O k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck ayaklar\u0131mla g\u00fcn boyu masalar\u0131n aralar\u0131nda dola\u015fm\u0131\u015f, o k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck ellerimle bo\u015f tabaklar\u0131, kirli \u00e7atal-b\u0131\u00e7aklar\u0131 toplam\u0131\u015f\u0131m.\u00a0 Hayat\u0131mda hi\u00e7 tad\u0131na bakmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m lezzetleri g\u00fcn boyunca masalar\u0131 kahkahalar\u0131yla \u00e7\u0131nlatan m\u00fc\u015fterilere sunmu\u015fum.\u00a0 Boyumdan b\u00fcy\u00fck masalar\u0131 ta\u015f\u0131m\u0131\u015f, da\u011f gibi bula\u015f\u0131klar\u0131 eritmi\u015fim.\u00a0 Bir iki de sakarl\u0131k yapm\u0131\u015f, sa\u011flam f\u0131r\u00e7a yemi\u015fim.<\/p>\n

Di\u015flerim birbirine vuruyor, titreyerek ilerliyorum.\u00a0 Epey yolum var daha. F\u0131s\u0131lt\u0131 \u015feklinde kendi kendime konu\u015fuyorum.\u00a0 Kelimelere dikkat kesiliyorum.\u00a0 Hay\u0131r hay\u0131r konu\u015fma de\u011fil bu, bir \u015fiir denemesi.\u00a0 Ne de g\u00fczel s\u0131ral\u0131yorum ard\u0131 ard\u0131na kelimeleri o k\u0131s\u0131tl\u0131 da\u011farc\u0131\u011f\u0131mdan.<\/p>\n

\u201cAyaz gecelerde
\nCeplerimde ellerim
\nTitreyerek ar\u015f\u0131nlar\u0131m caddeleri<\/p>\n

Tenha sokaklarda
\nBir ben var\u0131m
\nBir de sokak k\u00f6pekleri<\/p>\n

Sen \u00e7ok uzaklarda
\nVe ben burada yar\u0131m
\nSayar dururum g\u00fcnleri\u201d<\/p>\n

Deniyorum deniyorum bir d\u00f6rd\u00fcnc\u00fc \u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc\u011f\u00fc \u00e7\u0131karam\u0131yorum.\u00a0 Sonra bana do\u011fru yakla\u015fan bir sokak k\u00f6pe\u011fi dikkatimi hepten da\u011f\u0131t\u0131yor, \u00f6nceki m\u0131sralarda siliniyor akl\u0131mdan.\u00a0 Kapkara, \u00e7irkin ve bir o kadar korkun\u00e7 bir k\u00f6pek.\u00a0 Ad\u0131mlar\u0131m h\u0131zlan\u0131yor, ah ev neden bu kadar uzak?\u00a0 Pe\u015fimdeki bir insan olsa ad\u0131mlar\u0131n\u0131 duyabilirdim ve ona g\u00f6re tedbirimi alabilirdim.\u00a0 Ama bu d\u00f6rt patili \u00fcrk\u00fct\u00fcc\u00fc yarat\u0131\u011f\u0131n ad\u0131mlar\u0131 sessiz.\u00a0 Yakla\u015f\u0131yor mu? \u00a0Yoksa b\u0131rakt\u0131 m\u0131 pe\u015fimi?\u00a0 Bilmeden ilerliyorum, epey ilerledikten sonra korkuyla d\u00f6n\u00fcp bak\u0131yorum ard\u0131ma, \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr ki ortalarda yok, takip etmemi\u015f.<\/p>\n

Derin bir oh \u00e7ekiyor \u00e7ocuklu\u011fum ve beni d\u0131\u015far\u0131 at\u0131yor.\u00a0 Tekrar d\u00f6nmek istiyorum bedenime, ona eve kadar e\u015flik etmek istiyorum ama yapam\u0131yorum.\u00a0 Beni balkondan al\u0131p onun k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bedenine getiren r\u00fczg\u00e2r bu kez ters y\u00f6ne do\u011fru esiyor.\u00a0 Beni bir emanetmi\u015fim gibi ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 yere b\u0131rak\u0131yor.<\/p>\n

\u0130\u015fte \u015fimdi yine ayn\u0131 yerdeyim, so\u011fuk balkon demirlerine tutunmu\u015f az \u00f6nce \u00e7ocuk h\u00e2limi g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm yerde.\u00a0 Ama o, az \u00f6nce g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm yerde de\u011fil.\u00a0 Derin bir oh \u00e7ektikten sonra ko\u015far ad\u0131m evine girmi\u015ftir muhtemelen.\u00a0 Annesi s\u0131cak bir \u00e7ayla i\u00e7ini \u0131s\u0131tm\u0131\u015f, koltukta uyuyakalm\u0131\u015f olan babas\u0131 onun eve girdi\u011fini g\u00f6rd\u00fckten sonra huzurla yata\u011f\u0131n\u0131n yolunu tutmu\u015ftur.<\/p>\n

Ve sonra, \u00f6n\u00fcndeki \u00e7eyrek as\u0131r neler neler ya\u015fayaca\u011f\u0131ndan habersiz, yorgun ama umutlu yast\u0131\u011fa ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 koyup hemen uyumu\u015ftur.\u00a0 Ke\u015fke birka\u00e7 k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck ipucu verebilseydim sana k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm.<\/p>\n

Ke\u015fke\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So\u011fuk balkon demirine tutunup karanl\u0131k sokaklar\u0131 seyre dald\u0131m.\u00a0 Hi\u00e7bir \u015fey […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1851,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[12],"tags":[696,694,686,234,697,695],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1848"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1848"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1848\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1850,"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1848\/revisions\/1850"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1851"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1848"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1848"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mahirsanli.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1848"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}